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ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF
THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more
amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing.
She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The
case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied,
"Well your Honour, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under
a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that
said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign
that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honour, when she moved
the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"... I just lost it."
"CASE
DISMISSED!!!"
Did you know that the human body has
a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a crappy
outlook on life.
If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your butt, and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye!
A little old lady from Newfoundland had
worked in and around family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation,
and when canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best
slogan/rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all...." and she said, "I know all about milk and dairy farms...I can
do this!" She sent in her entry, and about a week later, a car drove up in front of her house, and a man got out and said
"Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able to use it...".
Here
is her entry:
Carnation milk is best of all,
No tits to pull, no crap to haul
No buckets to wash, no hay
to pitch,
Just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch!
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